Taking over. ‘Bullshit. Bullshitbullshitbullshit,’ I cried out. ‘Why is this fucking happening to me? How is this fair? What? What am I supposed to do?’ I was crying openly, just talking nonsense as it streamed through my head. ‘Hey. Shh,’ my mom was trying to soothe me, trying to comfort me and calm me down. I felt bad, felt bad for her, bad for putting her through this. ‘It’ll be all right.’ ‘I can’t deal with this. It’s too much. Too fucking much. I can–‘ My words and my breath heaved in my chest, everything was made thick with sobs. ‘We’ll get through this. All right? We’ll get through this together.’ But would we? Would I? I wanted to say I had no doubt, but I didn’t feel that. A nurse came in and gave me a shot of something or other for the pain but the pain did not go away. It was in my head, tearing at me. I was dying. That’s what cancer is: death. In my back and in my liver I was rotting with death. Whatever they’d say, the doctors, it didn’t matter. It was already in me. I. This was her responsibility. After all, Alex was her son, not his.Alex was in his pajamas, looking sleepy-eyed with a bad case of bedhead. Cheryl greeted him in her usual upbeat manner, “Good morning, my little man. How did you sleep?”“Pretty good, I guess,” Alex replied in between yawns.Cheryl took out his cereal and the milk and put them on the table with a glass of orange juice. She tried to straighten his hair with her fingers as he started to eat. She soon gave up, got a cup of coffee and waited for him to finish breakfast.Once he finished his breakfast and looked more alert, she broached the subject of her impropriety, “Alex, you know the other night when you came to my bedroom and got in bed with me?”Alex looked up from his cereal bowl and smiled at his mother, “Yeah. I remember.”Cheryl needed to convey that what they had done was wrong, “We did something that we really should not have done.” Reluctantly she told him, “You’re a big boy now, and I think that it would be better.
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